Did you know Travis Head and David Boon share a birthday? 29 December. Capricorn. These mighty some might say stubby hairy southerners are icons and cult heroes everywhere.
At least one Roarer (initials C.D.) suggested the fourth day of the Boxing Day Test should be named Travis Boon Day to celebrate these magnificent hairy, hefty Capricornians.
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It would start with celebrations at the MCG, and finish with a BBL game between the Hurricanes and Strikers.
Melbourne day four and the BBL match would feature many presentations, activities and ceremonies that truly capture what Travis Boon means to Aussies.
There will be:
1. Beer
2. Pies
And that concludes the formal part of Travis Boon Day.
To honour this national day of the stocky, the stout, the barrel-chested and the hair-lipped, here’s a Test XI and T20 team of Pugwash-esque cricketers. There is also a fun fact that links each Test starter with our hirsute legends.
For what it’s worth, Capricorn sportspeople are often described as the grinders, the strategists, and the quiet assassins of the athletic world.
So true.
David Boon. (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)
The Travis Boon XI
1. Manoj Prabhakar (five foot 10, Aries)
Boonie batted 2nd in 36 innings and averaged 44.33. Manoj batted second in eight innings and averaged 44.88. Ridiculously, Manoj took 15 wickets bowling the first over but 81 when he bowled the second over in an innings. Unsurprisingly, he bowled his best when skippered by another moustachio, Kris Srikkanth who is too skinny for this team. Apparently Prabhakar once headed Naturence Cosmetics, so make of that what you will.
2. Mark Greatbatch (11 December, Sagittarius)
His Grokipedia page says he hit 32 fours and 13 sixes in the 1992 World Cup. How good is it that the burly goofyfooter has a Grokipedia page? In a WACA Test where Boonie scored 200, Greatbatch’s moustache scored 76 in their first innings before making the Aussies wig out with his 11-hour strand. He helped save the Test by a whisker. It’s no coincidence his career highlights occurred when his top lip bristled. Greatbatch also hit two sixes in Tests against Pakistan. Boonie hit two sixes in his entire 107-Test career. Uncanny.
3. Javed Miandad (12 June, Gemini)
Three players in one, so therefore three moustaches in one. The trio is just one inch shorter than Travis, and Javed et. al. is hugely popular in Australia where he got his kicks.
Boonie and Javed et. al. first faced off in Tests in Karachi in 1988. Javed et. al. was captain and he scored 211 before being caught by Boonie. Boonie also took four catches in Pakistan’s first innings, but Pakistan won by an innings. The innings where Boonie didn’t take four catches, obviously.
4. Allan Lamb (20 June, Gemini)
Wonderfully, the five foot eight Lamb’s only Test wicket was Manoj Prabhakar. Lamb also forms a fabulous combination with Rice. Lamb (without Rice) scored his only Test century against Australia in Leeds in 1989. He was caught Boonie, bowled Alderman in BOTH innings as Australia won by lots. See, this is why Boonie is such a legend. Five players into his team and he’s already taken six catches.
5. Ijaz Ahmed (29 September, Virgo)
When Mark Taylor played the last ball of the day on 334 not out, he hit it to Ijaz Ahmed. Asked whether he deliberately hit it to the fielder so he didn’t break Bradman’s record, Tubby’s reaction bristled. “Ijaz had been fielding like a drunk all day.” That gets Ijaz into the team on its own.
6. Clive Rice (23 July, Leo)
Not quite as rotund as required. But the Times Media’s description of the great South African is one for the ages: “Rice was a balding nondescript of utterly average height, build and cut of jib who had resorted to cultivating a cartoon moustache in a pathetic attempt to set himself apart.” Boonie and Trav wouldn’t be above describing themselves as nondescript of utterly average height, build and cut of jib who had resorted to cultivating a cartoon moustache in a pathetic attempt to set themselves apart.
7. Rod Marsh (4 November, Scorpio)
Geoff Lawson is absolutely crucial here. He was present when Boonie set the record of 45 on the flight to the 1983 World Cup. He then was official scorer when Boonie scored 52 on the flight to the 1989 Ashes.
Rod Marsh. (Photo by Adrian Murrell/Getty Images)
8. Mushtaq Mohammad (22 November, Scorpio)
Two Scorpio’s at 7 and 8 gives a real sting to the tail. Five foot ten like Trav and right handed like Boonie so he is basically the Pakistani equivalent of Travis Boon.
Boonie scored one hundred and one fifty against Pakistan. Mustaq scored one hundred and one fifty against Australia.
9. Colin de Grandhomme (22 July, Cancer)
Occasional mo adorner with accompanying mullet not dissimilar to Robert DiPierdomenico. Also had an uncle with the wonderful name Hilary Laurence “Bunny’ de Grandhomme who played four first class matches in Rhodesia. Cannot be confirmed if Bunny de Grondhomme had a moustache during those four Rhodesian fixtures, which is a shame.
CDG played his first Test v England, a day/nighter in Auckland in 2018. de Grandhomme enjoyed the closest thing to the Ashes victories Trav and Boonie are used to. NZ won by an innings and 49 runs and Colin was so unlucky to be caught by Bairstow in his only bat.
10. Chris Matthews (22 September, Virgo)
There’s a certain sense of wonderful nostalgia recalling Christopher Darrell Matthews and Mervyn Gregory Hughes sharing the new ball against England at the Gabba in 1986. Up against the likes of Beefy, Gatting and Lamb, famously the last time the Aussies would lose an opening Test at the Brisbane venue for about 200 years. In fact. Matthews was caught by Gatting’s goatee bowled Botham’s moustaka in his first Test innings. Just wonderful.
Christopher played ALL three of his Tests with the great Boonie. Okay, so that was for two losses and a draw but does that make it any less wonderful?
11. Ray Bright
Sometimes went with a beard. Others the full handlebar moustache. Or could go the full clean-shaven look. Some say he was only considered for Test selection when he adorned facial hair.
David Clarence Boon bowled six overs in his 107 Test career. He spun the ball as much (or as little) as Candles during those 36 deliveries, which included three maidens.
Not eligible: Graham Gooch, Sarfraz Narwaz, Merv Hughes and Bruce Yardley (too tall), anyone running quick singles (ridiculous), Vernon Philander (a sketchy goatee), Clive Lloyd (too many players named Clive), Kris Srikkanth and Larry Gomes (waaaay too thin), Jack Russell (a fitness fanatic), soft drink and any food consumed by a herbivore.
And the best thing: not one English-born player in the Travis Boon XI. Surely a moral victory for all. Let’s drink to that.
Javed Miandad. (S&G/PA Images via Getty Images)
Travis Boon T20 team
1. Percy Fender: In 1920 he hit the fastest recorded first-class century, in terms of time rather than balls received. Come selection time, the crowd sings Return to Fender.
2. Roy Dias: Absolutely superb hair. Normally a three but it’s not fair to the crowd to have to wait to see that brilliant bouffant.
3. Joe Darling: Described as stocky and compact, which could also apply to his truly epic mo.
4. Robin Smith: “The Judge”. Barrell chested, the most savage cut shot in the game and sadly missed.
5. Chris Smith: Seven-Test sibling of the Judge, so his nickname is Jury. Both Judge and Jury relocated to Perth post career.
6. Dave Houghton (w/k): The Zimbabwe legend. Gets a million bonus points cause his name is Dave. Gets another million cause the first ever ODI game he played against England was in Albury. Zimbabwe won by 9 wickets and Dave was captain.
7. KS Ranjitsinhji (c): Aka Colonel His Highness Shri Sir Ranjithsinji Vibhaji, Maharajah Jam Saheb of Nawanag. Or Ranji to his mates. Averaged 175 in Tests batting 7.
Ben Dwarshuis celebrates the wicket of Michael Neser. (Photo by Matt Roberts – CA/Cricket Australia via Getty Images)
8. Ben Manenti: Is it spelled Manenti, or Manatee? Could or perhaps should be nicknamed Sea Cow.
9. Narendra Hirwani: The 16 wicket Test debutant brings the number of spinners in this team to about seventeen. But that’s about to change in the most elite and sublime way.
10. Ben Dwarshuis: Finally, I get to pick Dwarshenegger in a team. Facing his pace will be a hairy prospect for any batter.
11. Eddie Hemmings: He was described short and stout (here is his handle, here is his spout) during his career. His bowling was a distant second to his Tom Selleckish moustache.
Hopefully, this will finally push Cricket Australia to announce birthday days to celebrate former cricketers. And in the future, 23rd June will always be known around the world as Dwarshuis Dway.